In Nora Ephron’s widely acclaimed book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, there is a chapter called “What I Wish I’d Known”. There is enough amusing advice to make you laugh three times and enough wisdom for most of it to stay with you. Examples include: “If the shoe doesn’t fit in the shoe store, it’s never going to fit.” “Anything you think is wrong with your body at the age of thirty-five you will be nostalgic for at the age of forty-five.” “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” I love this chapter with my whole heart and I revisit it often, but it seems to be missing one valuable piece of advice. In January, I was on the phone with a good friend and she said: “You should never plan for more than six months.” This instantly seemed “What I Wish I’d Known” worthy.
It is now six months after my friend said those nine words and it would be fair to say she was right. There has since been a pandemic, a global uprising, a recession and rising unemployment levels across the globe. It also looks like the second wave is here. None of this was in my plan and I’m sure it wasn’t in yours. In fact, any plans you had in January have probably been thrown in the bin and set on fire or at least put aside for the moment. Or maybe they’re just ticking along slower than expected. I don’t know. All I know is that right now seems like a fairly useful time to discuss the growing disillusionment with plans. Because over enough time making plans, you begin to see the faults in the process and the madness in the method. I have grown to believe there are two prerequisites for this disillusionment to occur in any individual, and they are supported by lyrics from Chance The Rapper’s song, 5 Year Plan. 1. You experience a plan failing spectacularly. (“A lot of sh** came at you in a five year span.”) 2. While executing the plan, you outgrow the person you were when you made the plan, and therefore outgrow the plan as well. (“You gon' have several revelations in your first five days.”) But without a good plan, how does one navigate life?
The antidote to planning is found in what one might call directional versus destinational thinking. Megan Hellerer, the career coach of U.S. Representative for New York's 14th congressional district Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, spoke about it in an interview with The Cut last year. Hellerer explained that instead of working toward a goal, think of “warmer and colder” steps. Instead of choosing a destination on a road trip, choose just east or west. Not planning beyond six months also works. With this, our lives are guided by the everyday choices of our current selves. This type of thinking serves as a small corrective measure to the five year plan which often leaves us stiff with blind motivation and unable to adapt when pandemics happen and recessions occur. Sometimes we get so caught up in our plans we begin to see the opportunities as distractions, or too stuck on our old selves we begin to hold back the people we really are. Life is not a straight line but messy and complicated, and sometimes solid plans just confuse the process of trying to move forward.
At the beginning of this year, I stopped looking straight ahead on my runs. I began looking at the pavement about one metre ahead. I did this so I would focus on the next few steps instead of the finish line and soon I wasn't just running further, I was enjoying the run more. When we are so focussed on the destination, or the plan, or the finish line, we often miss the small opportunities and joys that can change the pace or course of our lives. When we charge ahead at our five-year plans, we often forget to stop and take stock of the mistakes made and the lessons learned along the way. Because they will happen whether we have planned for them or not, and they will often inform our next decision - where we pivot from here. Give them your time. As Chance said in 5 Year Plan, “You got time for misteppin', time for them weapons, form but not prosper, time for them lessons, time for them blessings, time for first, second, third, fourth impressions, time for reflection, time for confession, time will heal all, let's get a good stretch in.”
Some related (and unrelated) recommendations:
Nora Ephron's book of essays, I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts On Being A Woman is an excellent read and reliable gift.
This Refinery29 article on the toxic culture in media and how older millennials have some apologising to do for their complicity in the system.
This brilliant article from The Cut on a husband who didn't know his wife was an excellent cook until isolation.
Phoebe Bridgers new album, Punisher, which Patti Andrews and I have been waiting for.
Patti Andrews' four-year-old daughter, Go Go. When I sent Patti the album, she wrote: "Go Go is not happy. She wants DMA's in the car."
This article from The Atlantic on the revenge of the suburbs.
This New Yorker article on where U.S. bail funds go from here.
Chance The Rapper's song, 5 Year Plan, of course.
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